So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
