fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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