My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The police scanner is talking about you again....
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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