Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
