So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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