I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
