And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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