Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
