remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My ATM looks so different sober.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
