id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
