K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
