you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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