Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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