Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
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he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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