just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
