i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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