Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
