guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
