If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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