Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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