he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
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we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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