i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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