Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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