I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
