i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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