I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
why do cheetos always look like penises
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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