I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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