My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
