thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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