Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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