He uses pillows to masturbate.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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