she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sext me about skeletons
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