just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
