I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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