My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Houston, we have a blender
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
