Swine flu is the new snow day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
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I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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