It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
