Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
