he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
