I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
