I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
