Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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