made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My penis needs a shock collar
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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