Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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