I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
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they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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