i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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