When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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