I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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