When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
