TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
