i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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