Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
