the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
