Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
