Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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