id be glad to
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
