im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
