guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
