I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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