is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
