Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So squirting runs in the family.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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