I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
