I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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