take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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